Sometimes i wonder

Sometimes i wonder... Wen u get very close to someone n hope to be wif e person. The person may not wan to be wif u rather close to a certain extend like maybe going into a relationship, yet instead of really telling u face to face n letting u know how tis person feels, he jus shld i say plays wif ur feelings?

I really dunno wat or how i shld feel. I mean relationship for me, i think its where i really would be very passionate abt it. Many a time i do wan to give my all n get into one. But wen i look at how my feelings get played sometimes in life, i do feel tat hurt n i don think i can take it.

Somehow thru tis, my feelings for relationship and feelings for feelings itself, has turned cold making me used to my comfort zone of singlehood. If Grace is wondering if im refering to her, then trust me its not. Its nothing to do wif Grace.

To me my confort zone is something tat i treasure n i really protect. I don care if pple call me gay for being single or watever. Seriously i don give a fuck abt all tis. Many a times i wish i could be in a relationship but being in my comfort zone, has somewat made it very unhealthy for me bcos i don wan to step out of it to have a relationship where i would get bastard again.

I don even want to express my love cos i know even if i do, one would jus respond to it but yet deep down, its jus saying for e sake of saying. Thru tis i guess tat y im extremely stubborn abt some stuff in life n things tat happen n come my way.

I jus love e way i am most of e time but i hate it wen i develope some kind of feelings n then wen i hope for it to develope to something, all hope is gone wen u find out e truth. At e sametime, it really questions ur friendship wif e pple arnd u.

Wenever i have classmates who talk abt mushy stuff wif ur bfs or gfs, seriously i wonder how long will they last, how long can they remain in lies if there are. My heart sometimes do ache wen i see couple together.. Be it normal couple even gay or lesbian couple.

They jus seem happy being together loving each other. I do hope to experience it as well but how long can it go? Sometimes u have pple who have kor kors or didis i also wonder how long can it go? Is it for real or jus play kinda thing? Haiz many a times things in life jus make me question.

I have been to gay website like Fridae, SG BOy n so on to read abt how gay couples go thru things together. Read magz abt couples n Thus far sex is always in e picture. Are they doin all tis jus for sex? I mean even brothers do have sex like masturbation n stuff wif each other wen they are attached.

And wen all tis comes to an end wat happens next? All get hurt especially e one who is committing so much. :'(
seriously im kinda depressed n dwn now. Wen things happen sometimes do feel hurt. Like someone jus stabbed u in e back.

Haiz wat can i say.. i guess its all part n parcel of life.. Haiz. y must pple hide? I mean if u don like e person etc, y cant they jus voice out? n jus say.. haiz. if anyone of u are wondering if its u, trust me its not.. Its jus some tots i have in my mind n something i read frm somewhere lah.. haiz..